I've Been Talking to Myself Lately

Cornfield in Cornish, New Hampshire. July 27, 2023, 8:31pm.

Since as far back as my undergraduate years, I’ve been interested in how people learn and progress in a given field. I have read several books that discuss learning and development, such as The Inner Game of Tennis (Gallway), Peak Performance (Stulberg/Magness), Mastery (Green), Subliminal (Mlodinow), and others. One of the big take-aways from this literature is the level of patience, discipline, and even-keeled nature we must display, with great consistency, in our efforts toward a challenging long-term goal.

A topic that comes up a lot in what I’ve read is how we speak to ourselves. It’s common knowledge and common sense that how you speak to yourself is important to your development. If you are constantly berating yourself for all the things you can’t do and speaking to yourself in a truly ugly manner (like I have done habitually without so much as a second thought many times), the path to progress will be filled with an additional obstacle that is even more daunting than the task at hand.

This point was finally evident to me only after years of kicking myself in lessons, recording myself saying awful things to myself, rolling my eyes to myself, or other outward displays of frustration. Armed with this basic awareness, the situation has improved to some degree in recent years, but almost at random, I started doing something a few weeks ago that has made my inner voice even stronger and more positive than ever before. I began to actively speak out loud to myself during my practice sessions.

*Most* of us have a clear inner voice, and that voice pretty much runs unfiltered before we organize what we are actually going to say in conversation (imagine what I’d say unfiltered while riding public transit in Boston to people who are hurrying on to the train/trolley when I have two trombones and I’m just trying to leave, yikes). Naturally, our conscious mind chooses words more carefully for several reasons, whether that is to keep the peace or to present ourselves in a certain manner given the surroundings.

I had a brief moment to work on a standard excerpt before leaving for a rehearsal a few weeks ago, and in that moment, to save face and make the most of my time, I decided to “talk through” the practice session as if I was essentially two people: the teacher and the student. My voice as the teacher was incredibly welcoming and disarmed the feelings I had as the player about to work on the excerpt. The teacher suggested calmly to break the excerpt down to some very fundamental maneuvers on the instrument first so that success was approachable and easily defined. The player performed those tasks and felt a sense of satisfaction and comfort in achieving this right out of the gate. The teacher then suggested various additions to what the student was doing that slowly brought them closer to playing the excerpt, repeatedly encouraging the student to, “Just go for it, if you get it wrong that’s okay, that’s why we are here, and we’ll figure it out”. Furthermore, when the student took chances, the teacher always responded with enthusiasm, whether the student got it right or not. If things didn’t go well the teacher would ask, “Okay, so what happened there? It’s okay that it didn’t go well, but let’s see how we can take a step back and reestablish the consistency we had a moment ago.”  

By this point you get the idea of the exercise. I cannot emphasis enough just how much more fulfilling this practice session was then so many I had previously experienced on this excerpt. The time I had flew, I felt like I was getting tangible things accomplished that would last beyond that session, and my faith in myself as both a player *and* a teacher was enhanced. I was instructing an advanced player with insights that were bringing about noticeable results, and I was receiving feedback from a patient voice that was able to maintain a standard without making me feel less than or like what I was doing was an effort in vain.

My worry when I first started incorporating this as a regular practice was that I might confuse my own verbal kindness and patience with a lowering of what I expected to get done but have repeatedly found it to be the opposite. I am understanding, but firm, in what constitutes successful work on any given area of each session, and I’m more analytically engaged that I would be if I were only speaking to myself in my mind. I’m excited to continue experimenting with this technique as a way to keep myself engaged and calm as a practicing student, and to flush out what my ideas are as an instructor – I view this as a win-win.

I would love to see how those reading this could adapt this in their own practice of music or anything that is practiced regularly and would be interested in hearing back on it. I wish you well on your continued journey towards excellence and fulfilment!