Finding the Artist Within

For years it was hidden in front of me in plain sight. This idea of being an artist was interspersed between high school marching and concert band, the all-state process, solo and ensemble, but like so many young musicians, I didn’t really see it. My instructors were wise and insightful, and my undergraduate and graduate years were full of amazing musicians and performers. I got to travel to places I’d otherwise never have gone, and despite witnessing artistry many times, it never quite sank in. I was blessed to teach for six years after my Master’s Degree, four of which were at the university level, where I feel that I made a worthwhile impact, all while not truly getting it.

We typically feel most enlightened in our current state, so perhaps I’m still some time from getting “it”, but I finally can identify the difference between what I used to want to become and what I wish to be now. I grew up wanting to be a great trombonist - to play high and fast on command, to wow onlookers with flashy technique and dexterity. Since studying in Boston, I realize you can have all of those things while still ringing hollow with those that are listening.

What I know now is that I want my art, my self-expression whose vehicle is the trombone, to move those in the same way that a sculpture brings life to clay or an actor recalls the traits of someone long since passed. The task is tall for trombonists, in my opinion, at least. We are often diminished when compared to other instrumentalists and vocalists for our cumbersome, characterized nature; we are even known for downplaying our own significance at times. Despite that, I find this to be a worthy endeavor. Playing trombone with the purpose of someone who is trying to speak their truth rings more fulfilling than simply trying to clean a passage for the sake of nervous perfectionism. Approaching music in the way of the former allows for the human aspect. It allows for highs and lows, success and failure, and it’s a journey. It’s a journey I’m glad to finally recognize and embrace.