The Summer Reset
Throughout my entire academic career, I’ve frequently found myself saying, “That was the most difficult year ever.” My senior year of undergrad was a gamut of lengthy academic work, an over-commitment to ensembles, recital and graduate audition stress, and just enough social interaction to make me feel like I never had time for myself. Just two years later, in my second fall semester at Alabama, I enrolled in the most stressful musicology class I’ve ever taken while also taking a challenging graduate theory course. That same semester I remember sleeping on the third floor outside of the concert hall lobby as I rewrote a 20-page paper from scratch (I apparently missed the mark well enough on my first attempt).
When I was teaching, there were different stressors. I was no longer just dragging myself along to meet certain administrative and musical goals, but I was also trying to be as enthusiastic and disciplined as I could for my students to offset the inevitable dip in motivation that is felt as the semester wears on. The silver lining here was I really loved every second of lessons and ensembles that I got to teach and to see the students’ progress (even when they didn’t) negated a lot of the anxiety.
Having finally wound down this spring semester in 2023, I can say this was truly the crown jewel of stressful years. I knew from the jump it wouldn’t be easy because I wanted to front-load my DMA to allow for a much easier third year. At BU, we have Qualifying Exams, which are made up of four theory exams, a musicology exam, a language exam, and an exam on the basic history of our instrument. I came into the year needing to complete four of the seven exams, which I did, and will now be able to take my oral exam in the fall. I also completed my ensembles requirement, gave two recitals, wrote a 26-page lecture document, and finished up all but three hours of academic work.
Amidst the rigor of this past year, and the trying semesters I talked about before that, there is a common occurrence – the shedding of what I want to do in favor of what I *need* to do. This happens mostly in the form of trombone playing. I found myself so often staying up late for rehearsals or to study/write that the next morning I’d carry myself into a rehearsal, warm up for two minutes and jump into the task at hand. While the skill of warming up quickly is very valuable to real-world application, doing so over the course of six weeks, as I did, is both taxing mentally and musically. At some point, you feel yourself not being your best, but the demands of what is in front of you don’t allow for much wiggle room in your schedule, so you just carry on and play the notes. See? Even that last sentence sounds futile and sad, but that’s honestly how I felt this semester.
All that said, it’s now the summer. I have some left-over stress that I’m working through, but largely I’m so happy to get back to a routine that is centered around creativity and music making. I’m naturally a morning person, so controlling when I can go to bed and getting up to chase the New England Sun (the first light was 4:36 AM this morning) is how I feel the most productive. I thrive on structure and planning, and I feel I have the time over the next three months to lay a foundation via planned practice sessions, a heavy fundamental approach, and putting myself into controlled discomfort (playing for peers) to set up a really rewarding final year of my academic career.
If you’re reading this, I hope you have some time this summer to identify tangible goals for yourself, take some time to recharge, and do some things that productively scare you. The work done and appropriate rest taken over the next three months will decide a lot about where you find yourself at the beginning of next year.